To get married and to stay happily married, know that marriage will entail hard work.
People who take the time to understand this statement -– marriage is for pleasure, not for comfort -– learn the number one rule for a successful relationship: "To get married and to stay happily married, know that marriage will entail hard work." It's not always comfortable. There will be painful issues to work out and disagreements are inevitable. The Boy Scout motto couldn't be more apropos: Be prepared.
SEEKING PLEASURE
Most people seek a pleasurable life. Not all of life's pleasures are equal, the same way that not all cars are equal. How can you compare a Buick to a Rolls Royce? If you take the time to list your pleasures you'll discover how diverse the pleasures are. Your list might include Hagan Dasz coffee ice cream (my favorite), sleeping on a water bed, running a marathon, giving birth (not my favorite), winning the Lotto, completing your Ph.D. or breaking a smoking habit.
Some of these pleasures have more meaning for you than others. What's the determining factor? The achievements that "cost" you more are the ones that mean more to you. When you invest more of yourself, your sense of satisfaction increases proportionately.
When you invest more of yourself, your sense of satisfaction increases proportionately.
Let me demonstrate. Ask a parent, "What's your greatest pleasure in life?" Chances are they'll say, "My children." Ask them, "And what's your greatest pain in life?" Ten out of ten will say, "My children!" Are these two statements mutually exclusive? No. Because my children are my biggest pain and they are also my biggest pleasure! On the flip-side, if the price I pay is insignificant, the permanence of my accomplishment is short-lived. As the cliche attests: "easy come, easy go."
Ask a friend, "What's the opposite of pain?" Most people will say, "Pleasure." Pleasure is the wrong answer. The opposite of pain is the absence of pain, i.e., comfort. When I don't have a toothache I'm not full of pleasure -- but I'm not in pain either. I'm just comfortable.
To get pleasure you have to actively do something.
The famous physical fitness instructor, Jack Lalane, taught the world "no pain, no gain." His success principle is not only true for staying in shape, it applies to all of life -– especially to marriage. The pain for gain in married life can be disbursed in a variety of ways -– having to agree on how to reallocate household monies, working on character flaws, deepening emotional commitments or developing a shared life mission with your spouse. Some of these actions are hard choices that require "biting-the-bullet," but these choices will unquestionably enhance your relationship.